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 Writers Unite!

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NTonksAuror

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PostSubject: Writers Unite!   Mon Dec 27, 2010 5:01 pm

Gee, I hope that doesn't remind anyone else of Voldemort is Going down (we must unite, so we can fight!), which will turn into a need to listen to the song which will get stuck in your heads for the rest of the day, and possibly into tomorrow, to the point where you're absolutely, positively, irrefutably sick of it. Anyway. As I'm sure you can all tell this will be for writers. I just thought it might be cool to post some work we've done and get feedback, or just to share it with someone other than close friends who's only responses are "I like it". I know there are whole sites dedicated to this, but I do like the AW community very much. And, well, I always like reading.
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MyMischiefManaged

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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Mon Dec 27, 2010 8:14 pm

Aw, yay! Writers rock! And Voldemort Is Going Down has been stuck in my head for the past ten hours. I'm sure one more time listening to it won't change anything! xD
I've actually posted a short horror story I wrote on deviantArt. And I'm working on a newer story that's relatively short but I intend to make longer that I don't plan on sharing............... but I'll put some poetry on my dA account. I wrote a pretty cruddy one that I plan on posting xD.
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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Mon Dec 27, 2010 9:03 pm

MyMischiefManaged wrote:
Aw, yay! Writers rock! And Voldemort Is Going Down has been stuck in my head for the past ten hours. I'm sure one more time listening to it won't change anything! xD
I've actually posted a short horror story I wrote on deviantArt. And I'm working on a newer story that's relatively short but I intend to make longer that I don't plan on sharing............... but I'll put some poetry on my dA account. I wrote a pretty cruddy one that I plan on posting xD.

I think I'm going to go read your story now. I have one story on TeenInk, but rereading it I realized it wasn't very good. It's my fault for having my "I like it" friend read it over. She just said that a few minutes ago too after I sent her an update on my... uh... "novel" Anyway, I'll stop yammering and read your story! Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Mon Dec 27, 2010 9:30 pm

NTonksAuror wrote:
I think I'm going to go read your story now. I have one story on TeenInk, but rereading it I realized it wasn't very good. It's my fault for having my "I like it" friend read it over. She just said that a few minutes ago too after I sent her an update on my... uh... "novel" Anyway, I'll stop yammering and read your story! Very Happy
Oh thanks! I'd love to hear some legitimate feedback. I'm not too pleased with the way it turned out, but it's the only thing that was decent enough and short enough for me to post. And I'd love to read something of yours if you're willing to share!
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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Mon Dec 27, 2010 10:38 pm

MyMischiefManaged wrote:
NTonksAuror wrote:
I think I'm going to go read your story now. I have one story on TeenInk, but rereading it I realized it wasn't very good. It's my fault for having my "I like it" friend read it over. She just said that a few minutes ago too after I sent her an update on my... uh... "novel" Anyway, I'll stop yammering and read your story! Very Happy
Oh thanks! I'd love to hear some legitimate feedback. I'm not too pleased with the way it turned out, but it's the only thing that was decent enough and short enough for me to post. And I'd love to read something of yours if you're willing to share!

First of all I really liked it. It's not usually the genre I read, so it was a refreshing change to read something new. I was a little confused when he was working on the "concoction".... how did he know what to do? And he was able to figure it out in a matter of hours and Alfred couldn't? Or was that just the insanity kicking in? That was just a little unclear to me, but that could, of course, just be me. There's a lot of commas which you don't necessarily need, but that's fine by me.
So, I absolutely loved the rats and Jane's voices. Particularly "Knee deep!" the rats squeaked. "Knee deep into death! Into your grave!" That was.... indescribably great. It stared out nice and calm..... Then at the end it was just a madness of voices and insanity and BAM! Like in this one song we played in band this year (Pieces from Bolero as the original is about 15 minutes I think)... starts out calm, orderly, serene... then it builds up.... few more instruments come in- highlighting some-... little louder.... more going on.... then AAAH! What was it? Measure 56 or something? I finally get to play and it's louder... like the voices.... and then at the very end IT'S DOUBLE FORTE AND EVERYONE'S GOING CRAZY AND IT'S REALLY HIGH NOTES AND INSANITY and all the voices are calling and Rupert's really insane at this point and and and and and then it's over. Poof. He has the Instant Death.....
So if you can't tell I really really liked it... and how it was building up and the idea behind it with the whole insanity.... KEEP WRITING!
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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Mon Dec 27, 2010 10:48 pm

NTonksAuror wrote:
First of all I really liked it. It's not usually the genre I read, so it was a refreshing change to read something new. I was a little confused when he was working on the "concoction".... how did he know what to do? And he was able to figure it out in a matter of hours and Alfred couldn't? Or was that just the insanity kicking in? That was just a little unclear to me, but that could, of course, just be me. There's a lot of commas which you don't necessarily need, but that's fine by me.
So, I absolutely loved the rats and Jane's voices. Particularly "Knee deep!" the rats squeaked. "Knee deep into death! Into your grave!" That was.... indescribably great. It stared out nice and calm..... Then at the end it was just a madness of voices and insanity and BAM! Like in this one song we played in band this year (Pieces from Bolero as the original is about 15 minutes I think)... starts out calm, orderly, serene... then it builds up.... few more instruments come in- highlighting some-... little louder.... more going on.... then AAAH! What was it? Measure 56 or something? I finally get to play and it's louder... like the voices.... and then at the very end IT'S DOUBLE FORTE AND EVERYONE'S GOING CRAZY AND IT'S REALLY HIGH NOTES AND INSANITY and all the voices are calling and Rupert's really insane at this point and and and and and then it's over. Poof. He has the Instant Death.....
So if you can't tell I really really liked it... and how it was building up and the idea behind it with the whole insanity.... KEEP WRITING!
Thank you so, so, so much! It's nice getting some legitimate feedback! First review I've had of creative writing in a long time. So I thank you simply for taking the time to read it, and I also thank you for the wonderful compliments you gave me! I will admit, I have been told I need to lay off the commas xD If I could address the confusion: I was confused while writing it, to be completely honest. xDDD Thanks so much! Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Tue Dec 28, 2010 12:27 am

I'm going to try and read your story when I come back from vacation (I'm too busy right now, sorry!) But once I read it I'll definitely review.
I definitely know what you mean though about the people who just say "i like it." I mean I do it sometimes, but I really try not to >.>

I've tried writing a couple of things, but I really can't write poetry. I started writing a book like 2 years ago, and kind of stopped a little bit into that, though I still randomly get ideas for it. But I did start writing a fanfic not to long ago that i put of ff . net, I only have like 4 chapters up so far, and I'm not really sure where it's going, but i like writing it so w/e

and I feel like I'm rambling now... >.>
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NTonksAuror

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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Tue Dec 28, 2010 11:05 am

MyMischiefManaged wrote:
NTonksAuror wrote:
First of all I really liked it. It's not usually the genre I read, so it was a refreshing change to read something new. I was a little confused when he was working on the "concoction".... how did he know what to do? And he was able to figure it out in a matter of hours and Alfred couldn't? Or was that just the insanity kicking in? That was just a little unclear to me, but that could, of course, just be me. There's a lot of commas which you don't necessarily need, but that's fine by me.
So, I absolutely loved the rats and Jane's voices. Particularly "Knee deep!" the rats squeaked. "Knee deep into death! Into your grave!" That was.... indescribably great. It stared out nice and calm..... Then at the end it was just a madness of voices and insanity and BAM! Like in this one song we played in band this year (Pieces from Bolero as the original is about 15 minutes I think)... starts out calm, orderly, serene... then it builds up.... few more instruments come in- highlighting some-... little louder.... more going on.... then AAAH! What was it? Measure 56 or something? I finally get to play and it's louder... like the voices.... and then at the very end IT'S DOUBLE FORTE AND EVERYONE'S GOING CRAZY AND IT'S REALLY HIGH NOTES AND INSANITY and all the voices are calling and Rupert's really insane at this point and and and and and then it's over. Poof. He has the Instant Death.....
So if you can't tell I really really liked it... and how it was building up and the idea behind it with the whole insanity.... KEEP WRITING!
Thank you so, so, so much! It's nice getting some legitimate feedback! First review I've had of creative writing in a long time. So I thank you simply for taking the time to read it, and I also thank you for the wonderful compliments you gave me! I will admit, I have been told I need to lay off the commas xD If I could address the confusion: I was confused while writing it, to be completely honest. xDDD Thanks so much! Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

You're very welcome. So far, I think I have fallen in love with the reviewing and editing processes of writing. I love reading and giving feedback on writing, so please please please please keep me posted on anything else you put up. And with the confusion, I think that explains it a little bit, haha. With the commas, I'm under the impression my friend cursed me with her over-fondess of commas and now I'm left to wallow completely submerged in those tiny, evil, useful, horrible, wonderful, destructive forms of punctuation. It doesn't make me happy. So really, you're not alone. But it's not a big deal.

Here's my story on TeenInk. Keep in mind it's the first short story I've written in a looooooonnnngggg time. It ends abruptly, which I am sincerely sorry for, commas are in unnecessary places, as I wrote realistic fiction which I hate reading and hate writing. Inspiration came from my gray jacket and that's what happened. Anyway, here's the link: http://www.teenink.com/fiction/realistic_fiction/article/271772/Winters-Bite/ I'm not too happy the way it turned out.... but whatever
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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Tue Dec 28, 2010 11:24 am

@ Dorky: Okay, thanks! And I enjoy reading fanfiction if you ever feel like putting up a link. Very Happy

@ NTonksAuror: I read your short story, and let me begin with the fact that I did really enjoy it. I was never a fan of realistic fiction, but there are always those writers who can grab your attention and make it seem so unreal, even in the most real of situations. Those are the writers that describe the environment, the way everything feels around their characters. You are one of those people who do that. It pretty much shows that you didn't rush. You may have rushed for all I know, but it didn't seem like it. The way you describe the snow and its impact on the narrator's clothes, and how she feels about it.
I like the way you wrote it in the present tense. For some reason, to me, present tense always seems more real, like I am in the here and the now rather than watching a movie about something that happened. I also like how it started out so cold, SO SO cold, and in the end the narrator is warm. Hey, I'll admit it's a little cliche, but a good ending nevertheless.
I like the relationship between the narrator and the waiter. You can tell that they know each other well without even knowing either of their names and only seeing basic things that they had to say.
I read it through twice and haven't found any grammatical errors yet, so I have no comments there. All in all, I really liked the whole thing. Realistic fiction definitely isn't my favorite either, but you really make it work. You did a really good job on it! Keep writing, and let me know if you want to share anything else!

If I put anything else on my deviantArt I will be sure to let you know!
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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Tue Dec 28, 2010 2:23 pm

So rather than reply to that, I'll just write my thanks here.

THANK YOU SO MUCH! That really made me happy, glad you enjoyed it. I wasn't very happy with the end.... buuuuut... I am a sucker for stupid cliche's like that. *sigh* Just don't tell anyone that. Thank you so much for reviewing though, I never get any good feedback. Very Happy

So I just made a deviantArt account..... hopefully I'll use it... anyway. I absolutely despise my username, but it was all I could think of as the one I usually use was taken already *sobs*. So it's InevitablyMe *cringes*
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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Tue Dec 28, 2010 3:23 pm

I'm really not that into my username either. I've seen some pretty bad usernames over the years, trust me. I don't see anything wrong with "InevitablyMe".
I left a comment on your dA page, heehee. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Tue Dec 28, 2010 6:52 pm

MyMischiefManaged wrote:
I'm really not that into my username either. I've seen some pretty bad usernames over the years, trust me. I don't see anything wrong with "InevitablyMe".
I left a comment on your dA page, heehee. Smile

Thanks, I feel little better about my username... maybe it'll warm up to me. And thanks for the comment, I'll check it out and most likely reply. Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Wed Dec 29, 2010 6:07 pm

NTonksAuror wrote:
Thanks, I feel little better about my username... maybe it'll warm up to me. And thanks for the comment, I'll check it out and most likely reply. Very Happy
Yay! Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Fri Mar 04, 2011 5:38 pm

Hey all of you! I've been writing for some time now, mostly poetry... Would you mind giving me some feedback? All of my friends AND teachers have just said "Oh, that's good, I like that a lot" but never any real improvement criticism. My poetry/random writing blog is mysuppresseddream.blogspot.com and here's one that's not on there because it's about my friend and I don't want her to read it silent hehe...


I'm Through
I’m through with her.
I’m through with her secrets,
Her lies,
Her avoidance and her alter ego.
Her alter ego that she hides from us,
From her friends,
But puts on display for the world to see.
The world that judges and judges and judges
Until there is nothing left to judge
And she becomes nothing.
Nothing that we will be able to fix
Because nothing,
Can’t be turned into something.
But we’re the ones she’ll turn to.
So now, now I’m breaking the chain.
I’m breaking through the soundproof glass that surrounds her,
And screaming in her ear
That I am through.
I’m through with her.

Comments? Please?
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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Sat Mar 05, 2011 3:22 pm

foreshadowing7815 wrote:
Hey all of you! I've been writing for some time now, mostly poetry... Would you mind giving me some feedback? All of my friends AND teachers have just said "Oh, that's good, I like that a lot" but never any real improvement criticism. My poetry/random writing blog is mysuppresseddream.blogspot.com and here's one that's not on there because it's about my friend and I don't want her to read it silent hehe...


I'm Through
I’m through with her.
I’m through with her secrets,
Her lies,
Her avoidance and her alter ego.
Her alter ego that she hides from us,
From her friends,
But puts on display for the world to see.
The world that judges and judges and judges
Until there is nothing left to judge
And she becomes nothing.
Nothing that we will be able to fix
Because nothing,
Can’t be turned into something.
But we’re the ones she’ll turn to.
So now, now I’m breaking the chain.
I’m breaking through the soundproof glass that surrounds her,
And screaming in her ear
That I am through.
I’m through with her.

Comments? Please?

Hey, I'm going to be annoying and say I really liked it. I don't read/write poetry so it's kind of hard to real feedback about it. I just wanted to say that it sounded like what my two friends and I were going through with our other friend. It wasn't too extreme, more of dressing a bit too slutty, ignoring us, changing who she is completely, making out with her boyfriend in the middle of chorus class, ignoring us some more, hanging out with other people, ignoring us and our advice and our feelings and completely disregarding us. I don't know how close, and for how long, you've been friends with her, but if you can get her to see what she's doing (again, I don't know exactly what) and if you've been friends with her for long enough, it should be okay in the end. I know that it's the last thing you want to do, you're probably just sick of it all, but like I said, if you were close enough it'll be okay. Last night we had our "reunion" of sorts. My friend came outright and said "I'm sorry I popped our bubble, and I won't do it again. I miss you guys a lot."

Hope that advice wasn't too off. But yes, I did like the poem. (Sorry again for no better feedback)
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PostSubject: Re: Writers Unite!   Sat Mar 05, 2011 6:36 pm

NTonksAuror wrote:
foreshadowing7815 wrote:
Hey all of you! I've been writing for some time now, mostly poetry... Would you mind giving me some feedback? All of my friends AND teachers have just said "Oh, that's good, I like that a lot" but never any real improvement criticism. My poetry/random writing blog is mysuppresseddream.blogspot.com and here's one that's not on there because it's about my friend and I don't want her to read it silent hehe...


I'm Through
I’m through with her.
I’m through with her secrets,
Her lies,
Her avoidance and her alter ego.
Her alter ego that she hides from us,
From her friends,
But puts on display for the world to see.
The world that judges and judges and judges
Until there is nothing left to judge
And she becomes nothing.
Nothing that we will be able to fix
Because nothing,
Can’t be turned into something.
But we’re the ones she’ll turn to.
So now, now I’m breaking the chain.
I’m breaking through the soundproof glass that surrounds her,
And screaming in her ear
That I am through.
I’m through with her.

Comments? Please?

Hey, I'm going to be annoying and say I really liked it. I don't read/write poetry so it's kind of hard to real feedback about it. I just wanted to say that it sounded like what my two friends and I were going through with our other friend. It wasn't too extreme, more of dressing a bit too slutty, ignoring us, changing who she is completely, making out with her boyfriend in the middle of chorus class, ignoring us some more, hanging out with other people, ignoring us and our advice and our feelings and completely disregarding us. I don't know how close, and for how long, you've been friends with her, but if you can get her to see what she's doing (again, I don't know exactly what) and if you've been friends with her for long enough, it should be okay in the end. I know that it's the last thing you want to do, you're probably just sick of it all, but like I said, if you were close enough it'll be okay. Last night we had our "reunion" of sorts. My friend came outright and said "I'm sorry I popped our bubble, and I won't do it again. I miss you guys a lot."

Hope that advice wasn't too off. But yes, I did like the poem. (Sorry again for no better feedback)

Omg thank you so much.. Yea, we've been friends since like kindergarten and she just talks to this guy who has a really baddd reputation... he asked her for a bj and she wasn't against it... And she didn't tell her friends about it. We found out from other random people who heard about it. So annoying... But thanks, I will definitely take that advice Smile
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